So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
