I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk is not a location!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
