I feel like I'm in dance class right now
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
