i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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