I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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