Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
