I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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