You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
