i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
