Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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