Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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