Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
