I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
