4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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