apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
