If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
