i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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