one two three fourrrrnication!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
