Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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