so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
