check it out our google latitudes are spooning
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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