I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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