I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
