I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
