I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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