i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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