dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
