from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
