Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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