Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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