I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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