If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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