Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
