i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
