So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
