so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
