he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
