I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i will never coherently bang her
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
