I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
