i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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