I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize