He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
