I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
