fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
