Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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