I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
