when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
