Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
