When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
