It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
