why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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